Stepping off the bus and turning down the dark cement path between the familiar buildings of State today, i noticed something odd: White blossoms. Perhaps they were plum. I suspect that they had been there from a least a few days ago but since i spend so much of my time looking down at the pavement or gazing off into the expansiveness of the horizon that i guess i just didn't notice them.
Further down the path i find a lone wood bench and decide to cherish a precious moment with them before class when suddenly my attention is diverted by voices of Japanese. The two pass in from the left and stop at center stage of my vision as they bring their conversation to a close. One girl. One boy.?u?¶?a´?E¨?B?v
They part at the same time, but after just a few short steps the boy turns about. Watching shoulder length straight black hair, blue jeans and white sweater make there way through other students, down that same dark path. He takes a long staged drag from his cigarette with is left hand as his right jerks up his baggy white pants on one side. We are both watching her now. Suddenly her pace slows. Stops. She makes a quick turn and a warm smile turns on. She hand raises into the air and waves like royality. He returns the wave, conserved, but clearly excited. And then i noticed that his face had blossomed into a pure smile. Content, he breaks into a half sprint and makes his way down his own path. Petals white like snow blow across the dark pavement behind him.
My eyes make there way back to the white blossoms. I can't believe i never noticed how beautiful they were before. I only wished i had noticed them earlier.
最近気に入る安室奈美恵の一曲です。振られた直前、この曲を聞いて、ちょっとメールチェックをしようと思っていて、あのメールが来てしまった。兆候に信じている僕は「この曲で何かメッセッギが入っているんだろう」って考え込んでいて、結局泣きながら訳してしまった。日本語のことだから、曖昧なところが多いと思うので、間違っているところもあるかも知れないのだけれど、どぞ宜しくお願いします。
（日本語の歌詞から英語）
愛し合えば別れゆく そんな出会い繰り返した
if i fall in love with another, we grow apart. that sort of thing happened over and over.
記憶深く手探りで 甘い陰を求めては
fumbling around in the in my depths of memories,
i have to seek out sweet shade.
I can taste the sweetness of the past
何処にも貴方はいないけど
but you are no where
I'll be alright 目をつぶればそこに
if i close my eyes there i will be alright
変わらない愛を I believe
i believe in a love that will never change
春の光 集めたら 花咲かせて
gather spring's light and make the flowers bloom
夏は月浮かぶ海で みつめて
gaze at the moon floating on the sea in summer
秋の風冬の雪も その吐息で
the autumn winds and winter's snow too, all in that long breath
暖めて欲しい
i want you to warm me
four seasons with your love もう一度
four seasons with your love. one more time.
願いだけの約束は 時がたてば色褪せる
as time passes the promise of my only wish fades further and further.
Can you feel me underneath the skin?
あんなに重ねた思いなら
We'll be alright 信じていれば そう
if that many memories were to pile up
we'll be alright; If we believe it will be so.
どんな遠くても stay with me
no matter how far away, stay with me
春の花眠る夜に 迎えに来て
come to get me in the night when the spring flowers sleep
夏の砂浜にmessage 残して
leave a message for me in the summer sands
秋の雨冬の涙 飾らぬ愛で
autumn rains and winter tears, in this unadorned love
暖めて欲しい
i want you to warm me
four seasons with your love 夢の中
four seaons with your love, in the middle of a dream
流れる時を心に ありのままに
二人の日々は もうすぐ思い出
truthfully the flow of time will soon make our days together just memories in my heart
愛も夢も忘れ物 いつの日でも
some day even this love and these dreams will all be forgotten
暖めて欲しい
i want you to warm me...
four seasons with your love 胸の奥
four seaons with you love in my heart
（完）
Ah, life is just so weird. The morning before last, i woke up to an email from my girlfriend. "Ah, how nice" i thought. It's been a while since i got an email from her and i was starting to get pretty worried about her. It was a breakup letter. Yes, via email.
I was so concerned with making sure that i treated her well, and not breaking up with her over something trivial, that never, in a million years did i think it would come from the other direction. やぶから棒というやんか。I think i had to read it at least three times before i understood what was going on.
And then, suddenly, with in a five minute period i found myself re-prioritizing everything in my entire life. Studying, my family, my friends, people i haven't talked to in a long time, work, all of their respective values took a drastic shift. That is just so weird. And of course now, like being ill with the flu, i can't do anything. I've become totally worthless. Completely paralyzed. How can a simple email filled with a bunch of text can throw one's life into such disarray in such a short period of time?
Right before the last time i saw her, she gave me two versions of a book titled ―a^?A?AE?i^”M?I`??￠?3/4?BWhich translates in English to something like, "Between Calmness and Passion". I suspected at that time that there might be some sort of message from her wrapped up in those novels, but reading them in Japanese takes quite a bit of work, and in this busy time, is not something that is easily afforded. And then there are two of them.
I mention this because ―a^?A(reisei) is a very interesting word. The first kanji means coolness, and the second one is like quite, peacefulness. It's a very poetic word. In her email the line that seems to carry the most weight goes like this最近冷静に価値観の違いなんかを考えててやっぱり付き合って一緒にやっていくのは難しいなと思ってん。If 冷静 is at is the opposite pole of passion, and it offers the ability to evaluate things, make decisions, with a clear head, in coolness, than it must be the fall, and winter. And if passion allows you to do rash things, and to blossom in love, than that must be the spring and summer. Surely the two exist in some sort of balance. But how can a relationship survive this cycle? And how ironic that i receive this 冷静なmessage at the very start of spring.
This is likely to be the darkest moment of my life since the end of my high school era. In the final hours of school, i have no exciting job to look forward to, and i am not happy with my line or work anyway, and now i have no girlfriend. What happened to the super bright future i had in my mid-twenties? It is very dark indeed. Then again, it takes very dark moments like these to rise up into the light. And how can you ever appreciate what you DO have in your life, if someone doesn't take something away every once and a while? Maybe it's time for me to find a little bit of my own 冷静 to re-evaluate my life in too.